I have a question for all of you...

[don_budge]

A little more background: He can't come to practice because he has so many lessons/clinics but he can play matches.
Ok, so now what do you all think is a reasonable amount of time at school practice?

This is the definition of someone who is "not" a team player. He would not be on my team. You are or you are not. No half way. This is the definition of team. Tennis is an individual sport but there are lessons to be learned from participating on a team. Obviously this person, or more likely his parents, feel he is above the rest and it isn't economically advantageous for their million dollar baby to participate. I say...cut him loose. He either participates on a committed basis or go and pursue your dreams elsewhere. With good blessings...btw. It just doesn't work out.

What about the other fellows in the program? I cannot imagine being on a team with some "prima donna" who is too good to be a part of the group. Would he be chauffeur driven to the matches when the other guys are taking the team bus? Most certainly he would be way to good to socialize with the other team members. No ping pong in the basement for him. He might throw off his million dollar future by having a little fun with the boys. Cut him loose. Every day. Just cut him loose and don't bat an eyelash. It doesn't matter. It might cost you points on the matches but instead you have a team.

I started to play tennis at fourteen years of age. By the time I was in high school I played number one singles as a sophomore and I played the number four singles as a junior and senior. So there weren't any players that were seriously challenging me on a daily basis but I don't recall ever once thinking that I was too good to play and practice with them. In fact...three of the guys are still friends of mine to this very day. Well make that two...one died. I played number one singles in junior college...what a wonderful experience that was. Playing against the top player at each JC took me up a notch. The same at University...I played number one singles. By reputation I was the hardest working member of the team and the least satisfied with my game. I was also the captain on different teams. So I learned something about playing for the team. As well as for myself. It didn't cost me anything in terms of development. I learned as I went along. There is a big responsibility when you are expected to lead the way in competitive situations. I learned to handle that responsibility.

I wouldn't bat an eyelash letting this young man and his parents knowing what the deal was. I might offer him the captain position if he was willing to lead the team. Otherwise...just adios. Go with God. Good luck. We will survive and we will man up. We won't be looking in the rearview either. It is your loss. The strength of the wolf is the pack and the strength of the pack is the wolf. It is a reciprocal deal that goes both ways or it doesn't go at all. That is what a team is about. Maybe he will attend a high ranking university like Stanford where they can offer the million dollar baby all the perks he needs for him to condesend to where the Stanford colors. Typical modern day thinking. It's all about "me". Not about "we". Cut him loose. That way it was you who dictated the terms and you don't end up selling your soul to some narcissistic baby and his ambitious parents. Just be done with it...and feel good about yourself as a man. As a person.

[morespin]

Thanks for the insights guys!

One more thing before I tell you what decision has been made:

The boy in question will win almost every one of his sets 6-0. That is definitely a waste of time for him and his opponent. There will be a handful of close matches though.

[morespin]

It has been over a week since I began collecting advice/suggestions. I've gotten suggestions on both sides of the issue.

I've spoken to coaches who have been coaching high school tennis for over 30 years. I've gotten suggestions from coaches of other sports. I've spoken with parents whose kids played high school tennis. I've tried very hard to see this issue from all sides because I don't want to mess this up.

Additional info: I have been a tennis professional for 40 years. I began as a walk-on high school coach while I was still in college.
I coached high school for a few years and then I started teaching at tennis clubs as a teaching professional. I took this high school
coaching job because I thought it would be fun and rewarding. There's very little money and no prestige

Here's the offer the Athletic Director and I agreed on: The boy has to come to practice for one hour per week other than matches and he gets to choose when that hour is. He can come to practice on his way to or from one of his lessons/groups. Or he can come to practice on a Monday after a tough tournament weekend.

His parents say "he can commit to playing 90% of the matches but we can't commit to coming to practice even if it's only one hour per week because he and his younger brother have so many other lessons/groups."

The mom has to pick up the older son and take him to lessons/groups, come back and pick up the younger son and take him to his practices and that would make it impossible for her to bring the older son back to high school practice. Both boys have lessons/groups pretty far from the high school. Does that all make sense?

What do you all think now?

[johnyandell]

I think the parents don't really care about the team involvement sufficiently. What's the kid himself want?

[morespin]

Right?? It doesn't seem like he/his parents care all that much about the team involvement. Or it's just logistically impossible for his mom to get him to practice.

I spent 90 minutes on the phone last night with two other parents who were trying to convince me that the time he spends with the team warming up on match days should count toward his one hour per week. "If he warms up with the boys for 1/2 hour before the matches twice a week that would be his one hour, right?"

This is my first season coaching this team. The parents I spoke to last night said that last year he would get to matches a few minutes before his first match and didn't practice with the team at all.

The parents were also telling me that his not being on the team currently is causing team morale to be very low.

I asked "if he was number 8 on the team would we be having this conversation?" Would you like to guess what their answer was?

So, here's a possible compromise: he comes to matches at least 30 minutes prior to start time and hits with his teammates twice a week (matches are on Tuesdays & Thursdays) and that will count as his 1 hour per week.

What do you guys think of this?

[johnyandell]

All about the mutual feelings... Is he the captain? The other kids want him right? Drama, drama, drama...

[morespin]

Hi John,

He is not the captain.

The other kids (and at least a few parents) want him to be on the team because he can get the team some points. He's a really nice kid, but I don't think that's the primary concern. If he was Private Messages everyone would say "if he doesn't want to be part of the team, we don't need him."

I've decided that I care too much. I should just let them do whatever they want. No, I shouldn't. Just kidding. I've spent way too many hours thinking about this, talking to other coaches, talking to parents, and talking to our Athletic Director.

His mom, the AD, and I are going to meet next week. We'll have a definite resolution after the meeting. I'm looking forward to not having to think about this issue any more.

I appreciate all the advice/suggestions you all have given me.

I'll update this next week.

[don_budge]

Hi John,

He is not the captain.

The other kids (and at least a few parents) want him to be on the team because he can get the team some points. He's a really nice kid, but I don't think that's the primary concern. If he was Private Messages everyone would say "if he doesn't want to be part of the team, we don't need him."

I've decided that I care too much. I should just let them do whatever they want. No, I shouldn't. Just kidding. I've spent way too many hours thinking about this, talking to other coaches, talking to parents, and talking to our Athletic Director.

His mom, the AD, and I are going to meet next week. We'll have a definite resolution after the meeting. I'm looking forward to not having to think about this issue any more.

I appreciate all the advice/suggestions you all have given me.

I'll update this next week.

Obviously, you are taking a most diplomatic route in resolution of this dilemma. But what does your gut tell you? What is your primal reaction? You are busy taking into everybody's "feelings" in this matter. But the one "feeling" that is missing is yours. Do you have any strong feelings at all in this matter? You say "that you care too much"...what does that mean?

There are so many "feelings" involved. This is why this is a bad approach. The coach is in a sense the dictator. This isn't a democratic resolution. Not to say that the dictator cannot be benevolent...as in Machiavelli's "Little Prince". I have this little book that I bought many, many years ago entitled, "What Would Machiavelli Do?". It was a book that was found under the philosophy category in the bookstore and it was sort of a tongue in cheek manual in how to respond in different work and career situations. Quite brillian as a matter of fact. Written by one Stanley Bing. I know what Machiavelli would say about you morespin...you are too fucking nice. You've got to be more ruthless. Tongue in cheek. But this is a must read for all of you "nice guys". glacierguy would certainly be a good candidate. I'm convinced deep down inside of him...very deep down for sure. He has that sort of meaness to draw from. You all do. Except for the more woke among you.

But Machiavelli is well received in many political circles. The ends justify the means. So just what is the desired end here morespin? What do you want? The question then becomes a much more simple one...how do you get there? I would listen to all of the "bleeding feelings" then I would summarily dismiss all of them and make the decision based on my conscience. I wouldn't have any problem cutting this kid loose. Everybody learns a hard lesson. The remaining players will have to man up. Actually there is more to be learned in losing situations than when one wins. Bj?rn Borg testifies to as much. It is the hard lessons in life that create character.

Too much is being made of this primadonna's ambition. It wouldn't hurt him in the slightest to condesend and be a part of the team. A real teammate. He could even be the captain if he was fully on board. How long is a high school season anyways? A couple of months. He could devise his own program to pursue his ambitions even after daily practice is done. I know that I could work this "Little Lord Fauntleroy's" ass off and make it worth his while in terms of making a man of him. He has to man up at some point in his life. You simply cannot go through life expecting everything to bend for you. Teach him the hard lesson. You are either in or you are out. Trust me...if he joins you he wins. If not...it is his loss.

So go ahead and mamby pamby around with the elitist. Pussy foot around. Or be Machiavelli. Channel your inner Nicolai. Man up. You are going to learn a valuable lesson here as well. The question is now up to you. What will it be?

https://www.amazon.com/What-Would-Machiavelli-Justify-Meanness/dp/0066620104

[morespin]

Hi Don,

Good questions. My primal reaction is "You don't want to practice with the team? Bye." But, primal reactions aren't always civilized responses to situations and can have negative consequences in the long run. "Just because it popped into your head doesn't mean it has to pop out of your mouth."

I agree that losses can be very educational. I have a saying, "Pain is educational." The greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity for growth and learning. That's what I'm going through right now.

I'm not as concerned about everyone's feelings as I am about doing what is best for the team as a whole. I've been trying to see this situation from many different viewpoints just in case I'm missing something. Maybe one of you guys has been in a similar situation and resolved it in a way that I can use.

The AD and I thought that practicing with the team for one hour per week was a reasonable compromise for all parties concerned. And that is the final offer.

One thing for sure is this situation will definitely be resolved this coming week. I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet at least for a few days

[johnyandell]

Yeah one of your problems was last year under a different coach...

[morespin]

I think the previous coach didn't have rules or structure.

I had similar issues with the girls' team. It was kind of rough in the beginning of their season but it ended as well as it possibly could have. We had a couple of clutch wins at the end of the season that put us in second place in the league which enabled us to go to post-season competition. Our top two singles players made it to the semis of league finals and our Home lost in the finals. Best of all, we had become a real team that got along and created a lot of good memories.

We had an awards banquet at the end of the season and the girls even said nice things about me I don't think that would have happened at the beginning of the season.

Maybe that will happen at the end of the boys' season.

[morespin]

Ok, so here are the latest developments:

The boy in question is going to come to matches early and warm up with his teammates for a minimum of 30 minutes twice a week. That will add up to his one hour per week in addition to playing his team matches.

His parent agreed to that and thought it was a reasonable arrangement.

What do you guys think of this compromise?

[arturohernandez]

What do you all think is the minimum time per week a high level tournament-playing high school tennis team member should be required to practice with his/her school teammates?

Ideally, the person would sign up for tennis class and then show up during this period. These run about 45 minutes or so. I would have him or her hit two on one to make it worth their time. The idea of one day a week also makes sense.

[arturohernandez]

Hi Don,

Good questions. My primal reaction is "You don't want to practice with the team? Bye." But, primal reactions aren't always civilized responses to situations and can have negative consequences in the long run. "Just because it popped into your head doesn't mean it has to pop out of your mouth."

I agree that losses can be very educational. I have a saying, "Pain is educational." The greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity for growth and learning. That's what I'm going through right now.

I'm not as concerned about everyone's feelings as I am about doing what is best for the team as a whole. I've been trying to see this situation from many different viewpoints just in case I'm missing something. Maybe one of you guys has been in a similar situation and resolved it in a way that I can use.

The AD and I thought that practicing with the team for one hour per week was a reasonable compromise for all parties concerned. And that is the final offer.

One thing for sure is this situation will definitely be resolved this coming week. I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet at least for a few days

That seems very reasonable. One hour per week.

[arturohernandez]

Hi Don,

Good questions. My primal reaction is "You don't want to practice with the team? Bye." But, primal reactions aren't always civilized responses to situations and can have negative consequences in the long run. "Just because it popped into your head doesn't mean it has to pop out of your mouth."

I agree that losses can be very educational. I have a saying, "Pain is educational." The greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity for growth and learning. That's what I'm going through right now.

I'm not as concerned about everyone's feelings as I am about doing what is best for the team as a whole. I've been trying to see this situation from many different viewpoints just in case I'm missing something. Maybe one of you guys has been in a similar situation and resolved it in a way that I can use.

The AD and I thought that practicing with the team for one hour per week was a reasonable compromise for all parties concerned. And that is the final offer.

One thing for sure is this situation will definitely be resolved this coming week. I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet at least for a few days

My daughter is a senior on her team. I am trying to see if I can get her out of two hours of practice a week. The coach does a lot of dingles and matches but not much on drills, footwork, etc.

I would like to get her out with me to drill and do some one-on-one. He would rather us do it after practice but to me adding to a 2+ hour practice with more drills and conditioning seems excessive. My daughter likes drilling with me twice a week. This is all after school practice which he insists on but is not the best for my daughter without some individual work during the same time of the day.

Any advice on how to approach it?